Let The Lord Be God Of Everything You Feel, Everything You Think
Recently I had an incredible dream in which I was having a conversation with the Holy Spirit. I had the ability to speak to Him and talk with Him as if I was sitting across from a friend at a coffee shop. It was rather amazing! My family and I recently took a road trip to visit with a few people close to us, and I had this dream while we were at their home.
In this dream, the Holy Spirit stood opposite me in their kitchen, which was how I knew this was a current event; not something happening in the future or in the past. The Holy Spirit was drawing my attention to that He was speaking to me right here, right now. In my dream, He answered some questions that I have had embedded in my heart for a long time.
I come from a family of incredibly smart people, engineers and architectural types. In many ways, I have been the oddball in a family of incredible intelligence, not because I’m not smart in my own way, but I am definitely not math smart or science smart. I realized from a young age that my lack of “logical intelligence” allowed me easier access to faith and belief, because my mind never tripped me up. I had no barrier to believing in that which I could not see, and faith comes more easily to me than to some others in my family.
So, a question I had had for a long time was, why would the Lord give certain people incredible brain intelligence and it could be the cause that trips them up from surrendering it all to Christ? I really wrestled with it.
There’s something wonderful that happens when we take our questions and concerns to the King, He answers them. I once had a question that I asked the Lord when I was 11 or 12, and He answered it 20 years later in such a wonderful and unique way that tears poured forth and I was so undone. I hit my knees and stayed there with Him for a while. He cares so deeply about every question we have, every concern, every care! And He wants us to communicate with Him in those areas.
But this particular question, He answered for me in a conversation with the Holy Spirit.
In my dream I was sitting at a stool at the kitchen counter, and the Holy Spirit stood opposite me on the other side of the island. I just knew it was Him, though I had never met His form, the form He takes on as a man. The Bible says we are made in His image, I met the image of the Spirit of the Lord.
He brought up the question I had had in my heart for so many years and He said to me, “You know how smart people are tripped up in their belief in Me because of their logic, their reasoning, their mind?” And I said back to Him, “yes, I struggle with understanding that barrier.” And He said to me, “In the same way, the sensitive and feeling people of this world are tripped up by their emotions. You are a feeler, and how many times have you let your feelings about Me, your emotions about a situation, completely derail your faith in trusting Me?”
And immediately the weight of understanding this thought was downloaded into me: that no matter if we are given incredible intelligence or a heart filled with sensitivity, we can be tripped up in either area in our walk with Him. Our intelligence can prevent us from truly surrendering our all, because we rely on our own wisdom and understanding. Or, our emotions can prevent us from diving into the deep end, because our emotions and feelings become our god. When we let our feelings rule our life, they often take the form of anxiety, depression, and lacking discernment toward situations because a cool head is required to see from God’s perspective.
“And do not be conformed to this world [any longer with its superficial values and customs], but be transformed and progressively changed [as you mature spiritually] by the renewing of your mind [focusing on godly values and ethical attitudes], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His plan and purpose for you].”
Romans 12:2 AMP
“We are destroying sophisticated arguments and every exalted and proud thing that sets itself up against the [true] knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought and purpose captive to the obedience of Christ,”
2 Corinthians 10:5 AMP
“Watch over your heart with all diligence,
For from it flow the springs of life.”
Proverbs 4:23 AMP
“Finally, believers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable and worthy of respect, whatever is right and confirmed by God’s word, whatever is pure and wholesome, whatever is lovely and brings peace, whatever is admirable and of good repute; if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think continually on these things [center your mind on them, and implant them in your heart].” -Philippians 4:8 AMP
Every single verse has this in common: however God made us, however He purposed us, we are to keep our thoughts centered on Him. If we are gifted with incredible minds, keep your mind on Him. If we are given sensitive hearts, keep your heart fixed on Him. This is how we stay in the center of His will.
It’s our emotions that can prevent us from diving into the deep with Him. Why? Because the Holy Spirit said to me is, “Faith defies logic, and faith defies feelings. Faith is a choice to trust Me no matter what your situation looks like, no matter what your eyes see. Faith is living in total abandon to Me, what I say, and what My Word says.” And that’s why it’s so hard to pick up that cross and not drop it when our brain says, “this doesn’t make sense!” Or our heart says, “this hurts too much and the weight is too heavy!”
We have to choose to keep walking with Him every single day regardless of what our logic speaks or what our emotions cry out to us. We have to put effort into choosing to believe what is written in His Word, no matter what! Paul calls this the exercise of faith.
“So then, my dear ones, just as you have always obeyed [my instructions with enthusiasm], not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence, continue to work out your salvation [that is, cultivate it, bring it to full effect, actively pursue spiritual maturity] with awe-inspired fear and trembling [using serious caution and critical self-evaluation to avoid anything that might offend God or discredit the name of Christ].”
Philippians 2:12 AMP
Work out in this verse is the Greek word katergazomai ~ which means to perform, accomplish, achieve, to work out or to do that which something results. To do something that accomplishes a result.
Salvation is the Greek word sōtēría ~ which means rescue or safety (physically or morally), deliver health, salvation, save, saving.
Working out our salvation is exercising our faith to believe we are healthy, we are rescued from every enemy, we are delivered, we are safe both physically and morally. The same word salvation is mentioned twice in Luke 1:69-71, and again in verse 77.
“Blessed is the Lord God of Israel,
For He has visited and redeemed His people,
69 And has raised up a horn of salvation for us
In the house of His servant David,
70 As He spoke by the mouth of His holy prophets,
Who have been since the world began,
71 That we should be saved from our enemies
And from the hand of all who hate us…
77
To give knowledge of salvation to His people
By the remission of their sins,”
Luke 1:69-71
How are we saved? We have knowledge of our salvation through the remission of our sins. We keep our mind focused on how much we have been forgiven! (verse 77)
Think about a time you have trained for something (a marathon, a bike race, sports) and just how much time and training went into preparing yourself to run that race well, or to play that game effectively. It takes a lot of time, patience, perseverance and practice!
We can apply the very same training to our faith if we want to. We can spend our days praying, in the Word, talking with Him, listening to worship music, reading books that bolster our faith and trust in who He is, OR we can spend our time watching tv, listening to secular music, reading fiction novels, busying ourselves with a million other people and activities.
It’s not that we can’t do any of those OR things, but rather, where is the majority of your time spent? Just like training for sports or a race requires due diligence and preparation, so too our faith requires the same from us if we want it to actually grow deep roots and become unmovable and unshakeable.
Today the question is, what’s tripping you up? What areas of unbelief have a chokehold on your faith? Those are the places the Lord wants you to bring to Him. There’s no place of judgement when we come just as we are, into His throne room, and spill our guts at His feet.
“Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace,
that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”
Hebrews 4:16
In fact, what happens when we come with our questions or angst is that we obtain mercy in our time of need. And oh my, but do we ever need His mercy to flow through our areas of incredible weakness!
But something He taught me awhile back is this, that we have to learn to say it. We have to say what’s really in our heart, what’s really on our mind, without paraphrasing or manipulating our words to make us “look” better in front of Him. We have to stop covering up the real meaning of what we’re thinking and feeling. We have to learn to say it, exactly as it is.
Late last year I was working through an area of trauma from my childhood and I was deeply upset with the person who caused it. I was talking to the Lord about my feelings of this person, without saying what I really felt about this person. Do you know what I mean? Like the real thing feels so awful and ugly that in your head you’re like, “I can’t possibly admit that before the throne of grace, because how could there possibly be grace for how ugly I feel?” That’s where I was at.
I had worked through so many things and feelings throughout the years, but for some reason I couldn’t admit what I really felt to the Lord about this person. It felt too real and raw, and Satan wants us to believe that the realness of our hearts will incur God’s wrath, and not His Holy Mercy.
But in that moment while I was wrestling with my words and quite literally, beating around the bush of what I meant, the Holy Spirit broke through my thoughts and said to me, “Say it. Say it!” The command was so strong I would have been deliberately disobedience if I didn’t speak what I really felt. And He said to me, “If you don’t say it, I can’t fix it.”
I just let the ugliness of my heart pour forth. And you know what happened? He tenderly and gently bound the wounds of my broken heart. He poured healing oil into the cracks. And with His expert hands, He carefully pieced back the parts that had been broken when I was very little, very young.
He ministered to me and gently shushed me as a Father does to His little girl. And then He said to me, “Now forgive them.” In that moment I took the first step toward deep forgiveness. Not surface level forgiveness, but deep forgiveness. The darkest places of your heart that no one but Jesus is allowed to see.
It was this deep place that He asked me to surrender to Him, and to let light drive out every dark corner. That’s a deep, deep place of holy surrender and forgiveness. And that place will require letting go of the emotions that trip us up, and the logic of what we believe to be true, and instead choosing to be obedient to what His Word calls us to do.
Forgive despite how you feel. Trust even when your heart or mind wants to get in the way. Have faith, choose faith, even when the situation says, “I can’t see it! I can’t feel it! I don’t know how to believe it!”
And forgive even when your head knows they wronged you, and your logic says they don’t deserve it. Forgive despite what you feel, and despite what your understanding knows is true. Forgive anyway.
Because what happens when we choose to do as He asks despite how we think or how we feel - we find mercy, grace, and a heart and mind cradled safely in the hands of the Father. We find ourselves deeply close and intimately loved by Him. We see Jesus. And Jesus is all I want to see.
With joy, Jessica
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For encouraging words and to read what the Lord is saying to me lately